So I have been in hospital for four days, I came in on the Saturday and was induced, 24 hours I was then induced again, 6 hours later still no progress. Monday was a strike day for midwifes so no progress again, they gave me some tablets to take in case I needed a c section and didn’t let me eat. By this point I’m extremely tired, very overdue, fed up and uncomfortable. The constant two hour checks made it impossible to ever sleep and the lack of food didn’t help. The Tuesday morning came round and they told me I had to wait yet another day and I refused, I broke down & was not prepared to wait anymore. That morning at 9.30am I was wheeled down to the delivery suite with my mum and husband with me. I had the loveliest midwife called Danni and she was amazing, by this time I had a different midwife for the morning, afternoon and night so I had started to work my through them. The induction process for me had been so painful, due to babas position, he was back to back, that by the third one I had to request gas and air. The next step was to break my waters, so again I requested gas and air for this, just as well I did as it took three attempts to break them. We waited a while to see if this speeded up the process, I’m currently hooked up to two machines, I have wires coming out of me from every angle. Breaking my waters didn’t help move things along so the next step to get baba moving was the hormone drip. So yet more tubes going into me, but this finally did the trick and I become fully dilated within under an hour. The pain soon started after, I tried to use my tens machine to get through it but my god this didn’t touch the pain. So it’s roughly 11am by now and I’m starting to really experience pain, I had my gas and air but this made me go really funny. I started to lose my sight where I took so much in. I remember screaming for Danni to ensure I was still here on earth, losing your sight whilst in labour is pretty scary. As the day and pain progressed it became very difficult, I wasn’t allowed to drink anything or eat, can you imagine trying to push a baby out with no food in your body for two days, no access to a decent drink and little sleep, yep it wasn’t great. I tried accepting and dealing with the pain but I just couldn’t do it any more, I was writhing in pain, it wasn’t going to work. I backed down and had the epidural which my god was amazing, I was always very against these as I was so scared of the risks but after being in labour for hours and hours I couldn’t do it no more. So this was it I geared myself up and pushed, or tried pushing, god it’s hard pushing when your lower half is completely numb. Danni’s shift was coming to an end so Mary my new midwife took over, who funny enough is a customer of my mum! I pushed into the evening for hours, with no progress. As the labour progressed babas heart rate started dipping every time I had a contraction so I was getting a lot of people checking on the situation and making sure all was okay. After a few more hours Mary got a second opinion and it was decided I would go down for an assisted delivery with a very very small chance of a c section. So they read out my rights and asked me to sign, as I was in SO much pain by this point as they had took me off the epidural I struggled to remain myself, I was writhing and screaming in pain. They wheeled me down to theatre, I was taking in and had twelve yes twelve people in the theatre with me. William joined me after half an hour. They gave me another epidural to numb me from the neck down, there was some talk about my previous epidural I think something wasn’t quite right as my back was bleeding. So I’m now laid down, completely numb, the screen up some I can’t feel anything then hubby comes in, our anesthetist man was called Rob , who I owe my life to, our surgeon was called Tin Tin. Unfortunately shortly after they cut me open I started shaking uncontrollably, and I couldn’t control it I was numb. I remember WM telling me to stop shaking, I asked him to talk to me and I stared into his eyes trying so hard not to shake. By this point I can see Rob getting anxious and asking quite clearly in front of WM and I to Tin Tin to hurry up, Tin Tin replied I can’t the baby’s stuck. Not really what new parents to be want to hear, we’d already been through hell of a day. After a lot of time and Rob anxiously trying to keep me alive on the table, my heart rate was into a state of shock and struggled to cope with the pressure that the surgery was having on it. I kept asking him if I was going to die. He responded to me but didn’t answer my question direct. After about half an hour Rue was born. Hip hip hooray. You would think that everything was okay now but nope we still had a long way to go. Rue was taken over to the little table and WM followed, I remember hearing him cry and them counting his toes and fingers. Pretty soon after he was born they took him to the special baby unit to have a drip put in, the doctors was concerned he might of caught what I had during surgery. So off WM and Rue went and I was all alone, again. I remained in surgery for another hour and a half. By this point my mum is having a nervous breakdown outside, especially when she sees bag and bags of blood going back and forth, she is not yet aware of the problems I’ve encounted in surgery. They stitched me up and this was all fine, they then had to do some tests on me to see if I had contracted an infection. So they took lots of bloods from me including one special type that took forever, I was running on minimal blood by this point. As I finally left the theatre room I took the time to thank every single one of the twelve people who kept me alive in those few hours and delivered our new son. Without those people I do not know what would of happened to me. I was wheeled out and saw my poor pale mum, who had been causing a bit of a scene outside whilst waiting for me. I remember be wheeled out feeling like I had just died, I still haven’t seen my baby by this point but I come face to face with a few other mums to be who have no idea what I’ve been through and continue to screw me out, I’d obviously taken their place. After this is all becomes a bit of a blur as I’m exhausted and they give me liquid methadone, I think, for the pain which just spaced me out. I do remember being in the room I was in whilst in labour and receiving roughly twenty doctors every half hour. What threw them is that they couldn’t understand what had caused me to react the way I did in surgery. It stumped them. The next morning I was wheeled down to the Hazel ward where my dear mum had thankfully paid for me to have my own room, thank goodness. I can’t remember the first time I saw Rue, or held Rue. I don’t have one of those lovely stories where the baby was born and put on my chest and you feel that instant love, I didn’t get to text all my loved ones and tell them he was finally here, I didn’t want to talk to anyone for days, I even lost my phone at one point. For the first days after the birth I didn’t know who I was, what was wrong with me, I was beyond exhausted. I do remember some of the nights where Rue would sleep beside me in his little basket, and daddy was in the chair next to me. He had a rash when he was born that again they didn’t know what it was, Hannah our baby doctor came and kept taking him for assessments, and obviously I couldn’t go with him. As I’ve yet been able to move. He’s face rash eventually disappeared, after they had drawn on his face with biro L. I thought I started to pick myself up but then my body decided it wasn’t going to play ball and my heartrate and blood pressure became a problem. I had endless amounts of doctors, check-ups, specialists coming into us every two hours for me and then every two hours, but a different two hours for baba. Still they couldn’t tell me anymore. They sent away my blood samples and they did some cultures on them and something like you should have an infection rate of under thirty mine was 220.. I think by this point my family can’t take no more, how hard must it be for your family to know your poorly but no one knows why. The duty midwifes are amazing, my body was in a state and they took the time to make sure I was clean, had clean bedding, was comfy and helped me get back on my feet. Friday came and I refused to stay in hospital any longer, I said if they didn’t release me I would discharge myself, even though my health was still down the wall. I had enough of being there and nothing progressing me to better health. Angie my sweet young midwife that day spent hours on my case to get me released, with the agreement that I would return in two days, so the Sunday for a heart scan as they thought from the way my heart reacted in surgery something wasn’t quite right with my heart. I agreed. I phoned my aunty and asked her to come and get the three of us, my mum was there as well. Very late Friday night and we’re home. The next few days are a blur, I left hospital taking something like 29 tablets a day and one injection, which my dear WM did for me, which I know was tough for him but he handled it so well. I set my alarm for what felt like every hour to take certain tablets, sleep was minimal. Saturday night I didn’t sleep, I was extremely dehydrated and because of this I hallucinated a lot, my mums support here was invaluable. Sunday morning arrived and my appointment with Paul the heart scanning man was at 8.30am, we arrived early and got seen early, sat in the waiting room to go in for a heart examination is something I never thought I’d have to do at 26 years old. Paul was amazing and so sweet, my god you need nice sweet people when you’re going through utter crap. I remember seeing a patient board with names on and I turned to my mum and said I am not staying again, as we didn’t know what it was I had convinced myself it was something serious. I went in a Paul did a thorough examination of my heart and took photos and sent onto the maternity unit and all was okay, thank goodness. I was so relieved. My mum took me home and I had a nap. What happened over the next few days was just what felt like surviving. I had lost some much blood in surgery and I was already taking tablets to help with my iron levels that I was literally trying to pick myself off the floor. The midwife visits you have once you leave hospital went on for weeks due to the blood pressure/ heart rate problem. They would come every day and check me and refuse to discharge me, I at one point got referred to the emergency doctor. I finally after three weeks got discharged from midwife care with the agreement being I would transfer to a doctor for blood pressure monitoring. Anything to get away from a different midwife visiting our house every day and bringing us down, I used to dread their visit so much as all I wanted was for them to discharge me but they never did. I finally got my blood pressure under control after roughly a month, I think midwifes play it so to the book and if you had just been through what I went through I don’t think you could expect your body to recover in the space of 24 hours.
I never ever would of got through this time without my mum or husband, it was the toughest time of my life and I hope knowone ever has to go through what we went through. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.