Baby is almost here …. β™‘

​& I wanted to jot down how I’m feeling as a reminder in case we decide to do this again ( πŸ˜‰ ) I think I’m treating this as our last pregnancy even if WM isn’t ha!

Before I get into how i’m feeling our birth story with Rue is here if your new to following along with us, it’ll help explain my feelings πŸ™‚

I can’t describe the exhaustion that has taken over me lately – even though I’m on pre maternity leave, pre maternity leave with a toddler has a whole different meaning to just ‘pre maternity leave’ God I had it so easy last time! So throw in a toddler, some food poisoning & a kitchen still in progress & it’s fair to say it’s a lot to deal with.
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I feel like I just can’t do everything that needs doing just as part of every day life, WM is so horizontal that even when I spell it out in black & white it still kinda feels like he hasn’t grasped it (although he did let me nap yesterday for an hour as Rue had me up at 5:30am). My washing machine has been on three times a day lately, my dishwasher once a day (I’m lucky to have a dishwasher but I hate it plus I still wash up like two to three times a day on top) my whole house needs hoovering ideally as honestly I can’t remember the last time I hoovered upstairs, the kitchen table is still piled high with shit whilst we wait for the tiles to be finished & Rue keeps pulling everything off on a daily basis πŸ™ we put the baby’s Moses basket/ cot style up on Mother’s Day which is so so lovely but I’ve now lost space to place our airers to dry the boys clothes, I’m finding it incredibly hard to just dry all the bloody clothes in a two bed house ….
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I then need to do the uniforms/ WM’s lunch & breakfast/ the birthdays/ the constant effing tiding that comes with having two boys (when I say boys i’m counting WM in that πŸ˜‰ )/ trying to remember e v e r y little thing of which I’ve failed so many times lately (WM missed his dentist as I forgot to remind him, yep I’m one of those wife’s that pretty much is a reminder app for her husband, I forgot my dear friends scan date, queue being the worst friend ever!, my efforts for Mother’s Day for my own mama sucked as I was just knackered plus was trying to organise presents for everyone else but didn’t get anything myself :(, I didn’t get round to picking up my click & collect so it got sent back – the list goes on.
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What goes around in my head so much is A how did Juney do this f i v e times & without any help, not even a washing machine and B how do people make it look so easy when they have these family’s of four/ five even eight -do they just not sleep & survive off nothing? I’m totally going wrong somewhere I just haven’t worked out where yet.
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Honestly I’m not overly looking forward to the c-section either, even though we requested it & were luckily enough to have got that request granted I’m still anxious. Last time wasn’t friendly to me but I went into it with no expectations/ no idea what was going to happen/ sheer exhaustion & quite frankly just wanted my baby out safe and sound.
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This time I’m going into knowing all the risks, knowing how I reacted last time & the biggest hardest bit is leaving my boy who even though some days (most days I want to run a mile during that day for some peace) I still can’t bear the thought of leaving him for a period of hospital stay.
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I can’t remember the last time we stayed away from Rue overnight, I’ve probably done it around five nights in his whole life & the last time gosh must of been over a year ago, you could say I could of tried to ease that feeling by staying out more but I can’t do it & neither can WM – it’s just not how we choose to parent at this moment in time, no matter how much Rue tests our patience πŸ˜‰
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I messaged WM the other day asking him to swap places with me so I don’t have to do it (this was after reading the ‘preparing for your elective section’ leaflet which quite frankly wasn’t a pleasant read, again I was pretty much in a different world when they explained this too me last time). He was so cute & supportive but obviously he can’t swap places with me πŸ™ even though I’m so so excited to meet little one I’m genuinely not looking forward to the bit before but once their in my arms, hopefully this time I’ll get that opportunity it’ll all be worth it and then I’m done forever like no more cutting me open, I’m not sure my body can handle it.
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Some of you will know my body & well being isn’t always the strongest, I did used to get ill a lot before having Rue although I actually think I’ve toughened up since having Rue (win win) I’m not sure having such intense surgery three times is right for my body, everyone knows their own body right & this is what I believe. I healed physically amazingly last time (please do that again & throw in the mental side for me too please β™₯) so I am incredibly proud of how my body’s coped not only with growing a baby/ having a baby/ life with a baby/ life with a toddler & life with a baby & toddler in such a short amount of time.
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There’s no experience like feeling your baby kick though and my god I love that feeling so so much! I’ve been blessed with having two very active babas so their always on the move and I find it the biggest comfort, this time round I felt them so much earlier so I got a few extra weeks of movements yay! This is what i’ll miss most if this is our last pregnancy.
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I know I’m always going to have to work pretty much full time because of the salary I earn & whilst we’ve been in a position to make that work with just Rue the more babs we had I think the harder I’d find it, going to work five days a week and missing out, I did that when Rue was six months old because we needed money & it sucks dick having to miss out on so much. I’m not sure how we’ll get that balance this time round but I’m hoping we can make it work, I think if anyone can we can as we always compromise for each other & we’re always willing to go without for the better of our little family.
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One thing we keep meaning to do is sit down and speak about expectations, there used to be quite a high expectation of us as a family unit when Rue was little & we most of the time put our own expectations aside to please our many family & friends, but over the past probably year we haven’t done that half as much & we’re putting us first. This is an incredibly hard way to be as it means you tend to end up cutting people out of your life to some extent but when you work all week the weekend time is so precious you don’t want to spend it with someone different each weekend (well we don’t) WM is the biggest biggest family man ever but when I say family I mean The Maguire’s, the weekends for him are about the three of us/ soon to be four of us. I mentioned to my cousin the other day my concerns on how we make it work (we have three separate family’s, who are all very separate & you can’t really merge plus friends) she gave me some great advice & reassured me that it isn’t forever & it’s just a tricky couple of years you have to get through. I don’t have hardly anytime for myself let alone friends or nights out (although tbh a night out just isn’t for me anymore) Gowar I know you can relate to me here there literally isn’t much time for us mamas! Some of our friendships have struggled over the last year because our friends are in such different places to us & it can be hard to be on the same page when you feel worlds apart on a day to day basis. Neither of us have ever been ones for masses of friends & as WM puts it ‘I don’t like people in general’ means we’re never going to be a couple who surrounds themselves with friends but we are so lucky with the very small close set of friends currently in our life’s supporting us in so many ways, thank you!
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I’ve rambled on and on & it doesn’t necessarily all make sense (i’m writing this very late at night as i’ve already been asleep & since woke up, my sleep pattern is all over the place somedays) but I wanted to write about how I’m feeling & document this chapter in our life’s ❀️
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oh and here’s some of our potential last photos of bump – I dragged WM out the other day to take some photos of us, think he’s starting toΒ hate it but I just can’t adapt to a tripod it’s so much effort! Plus it took literally five minutes to snap these so it’s not much to ask right πŸ˜‰
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xo

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